Terenceg.com

Life we walk seems often dark
Like wandering in a maze through stormy night
Pitch black streets felt a piercing chill
But we continue walking because we will

Whoever we pleased, whoever we cheered
Whoever is closest, or merely just new?
So many options we need to make
So many broken hearts we seem to create

But that’s life written in many books
Some we have read some overlooked
Strange as it may seem, is weirder when we tell
The victim is us, when we all fell

Life is just like that
Whether you like it or not
Full of choices and deception
If not careful, a wrong step you’ll rot

Must applaud the choice you have made
A crowd’s roar on your faith
I will be here till the end
At the edge of time I will wait

To love is divine
To be loved is heavenly
But often at our journey through life
We forgotten how to love or to enjoy being loved
That is when we create emptiness and sorrow
The void of loneliness fills what once used to be love’s place
How shameful to have mistreats love

To love is sweet
To accept love is liberating
One must not see love as routine
Treat love gentle, treat it well
Like a blissful dream you never wanted to wake
Like warm Summer breeze, or Springs in play
Blissful love story unfolding, retold to you once again
Much Love is surreal, but feeling feels real
How wonderful love can be

I was told by the wise and old
That never to let love die
From that fragile flame that ignite my heart
To that eternal fire that white the night
If you ever a chance to love
Then show your love with all your might
Yet don’t expect love return in kind
Then can love, be taught your way

A time blog is a lot like the hurdles and the obstacles in your own life. You pen it only if something great happened that it changes the direction or in my own experience, completely threw me off course in my life that I have taken myself and other for granted….

What this meaningful event has done, is that it has brought me a little closer to an answer of the greatest question ever, what is LOVE. Not to say out loud that is the perfect answer but in my opinion, the closest I can ever get.

I have found out in a life awakening moment that LOVE is a flame that needs fuel to burn. The fuel that dictates if the flame is a forest engulfing one or a tiny little harmless heat that ever ready to be blown out by the slightest ever movement of air over it.

Fuel, the most important ingredient to keep the flame burning is cloaked and lost upon interpretations and translated in utterly and loosely in almost every single language known to us. Some call fuel compassion, some calls it attention, devotion responsibilities, interest, attraction and just plain communication, but sadly and easily fuel is taken for granted and forgotten. Alas, to err is human.

Let’s imagine Facebook, friendster or the good ol hand phones doesn’t exist (I know is impossible to imagine this but let’s try) and everyone you meet has a torch burning directly above you. Now when you meet someone, the torch flames up or down a little by little depending what you’re doing towards this someone. Be it nice or bad the torch is still gonna be there but just the luminosity of it might vary under different circumstances.
All your actions and reactions add fuel to the torch. Sometimes is a light spark, sometimes is an eternal flame that never dies. Hopefully everyone got the idea of this now and we can go back to reality.

Now in reality, is different. All torches are invisible and you will never know how brightly is blazing until you realized is gone. Since we don’t have a torch meter to keep us on our toes, is just up to our instincts and understanding to keep this flame going.

My torch ironically was unfortunately fortunate that it has withered. While it was withering, I myself did not notice it as usual of being just human. If this flame we to completely die, my life as I know it will perish into darkness forever and no one, not even god himself can find me. While it seems to be dimmer by the days, months and maybe even years, I slipped and still fell into this darkness, but it was in this darkness that I noticed my flame’s strength. The fuel is low and at any moment could be extinguished.

Everyone in their own ways have a guardian watching over them. Mine was a Saint was watching over me and kept reminding me that my flame was low and screaming the thirst of fuel. My ignorance to the sage advice on words of wisdom has a terrible consequence, one I fully regretted now.

However, Sage being a great Saint whispered “Fuel it you idiot, is not over yet” As my life flashes before me, I caught a glimpse of my invisible dying torch which I am in determine to make it burn ever so brightly. I’m lucky few that got a glimpse of your own torch’s brightness. Trust me, darkness is a terrible place to be even for mere 5 days. What tomorrow brings, I will never know but I do know from now onwards, I will be paying my undying attention to this flame, my flame.

To all those love ones I have dimmed, ignored and forsaken the torch, I am deeply truly sorry. I will become the flame beacon that from if you ever be in darkness, you can find always me.
Your Torch Bearer

TG

Hey dearest wife, thank you for enduring me for so long, we gone tru another anniversary!. ALways loving you !

Dammit

Can’t put down my Storm which in my opinion is just sexiest piece of shit!

and for that, i can’t stop Tweet tweet ! double damming it !

HOLY COW ! would u have believed ? i won’t !

They were right, at this age i am having pre mid life crisis (i know, they start at 40) but mine is here. i am bored shitless, always wanna get rich and to be on a yatch doing jackshit while either fishing or just doing jackshit. I have numerous hobbies of which non of them last more than 3 months. okay..some shorter than that but is a syndrome and is terminal. I caught a certain bug, shutterbug. not to say i am taking hell lotsa pictures at the moment but i wanna take more of my family that makes me decides (deciding) to purchase a D90 NIKON DSLR < <-- sounded good when is called this way. I wanna get that kodak moment of my family and especially my son doing everything. I Know, i know...ur stupid hobby don't last but you know, life's too short to be bothered by that notion.

Which brings me to another decision…..a decision that has been on my wish list for the longest time, to have wind in my hair and around my balls from ragged jeans which i am supposed to wear to make myself looked like anything from HELL’s ANGEL. I love the feeling of meat wrapping the machine and traveling blindly to the abyss (let’s assumed i start from KL to Hatdyai) The raw feeling of the ravenous Exhaust pipes rattling my heart and the Einstein’s theory of speed (i don’t care if his theory is not on speed, but having his name on some theory makes the theory a good theory)

HONDA FURY is a love on first sight for those poor bastards that can’t afford a HOG (harley Davidson). this bike is rumored to be USD 13,000 which i hope the damn economy will pick up at 2010 during the bike’s official launch so i can afford it. As compared to a Harley Davidson’s cheapest range of Bikes in malaysia = Roadster will bring me and my whole family back to RM 90,000. Fuck, 90k i can have the comfort of jamming my arse crack on a HONDA city or a damn Ford Pickup.

well, to be fair, i wasn’t comparing apple to apple…..ah sigh…

gone another year in a blink, how time really flies. Is always the same case over and over and over again that when u contradict some resolutions, it became worse. a little recap of what’s in 2008 for me was the more regrettable habits sparks again, i smoke more than last time and i am again, never seen without a ciggie in my mouth. well, to most some say at least is better than i am drunk.

ho hum, ho hum. He’s 2 now and most often than not, see the damn resemblance of me when i am not taller than a gnome. Brat ! but love how our life evolve around him. He seems to be cheering everyone around him, including his great grandma. Hoo hum, hoo hum.

that’s it, consider this a yearly annual posting. Merry Xmas and have a great new year…2009 ….if recession don’t hit us silly ….a great year

Good bye..you have serve me well, but the past few months you from excellent to hated, reputation tarnished, loyalty vanished…..i wished this never happened, but it did….so i have no choice but to let u go……farewell …

Goodbye

HELLO

I have changed from DIGI….since 1997 been using it….till now…to MAXIS
but yet my number remains the same !!!……..with 3G…slurp

Before i have any idea on what’s going on, my back is full of arrows, amputated fingers and some occasional knives of all kinds sticking on it. When you think you’re in an environment that is safe and sound, along comes something that just totally stir the calm. These are the stuff you’re not taught to handle at Universities, things like protecting your back or conjure up potions of invulnerability that makes u immune to …..Politics.

Politics, the world of where you have to be ruthless and a savage to survive each day. A world where you’ll sell your parents just to climb a notch up the ladder. A world that i am totally hopeless in. Having worked in a very friendly environmental world, these twilights zone are terrifying. Avoid it? I doubt you can at all, so what’s the solution? Play the game? You’ll get burn if you’re not careful, even experienced player will get hurt one way or the other. There are books on how to play it well, or how to be invisible to it, seriously those author have no grasp on this at all. Hypothetically yeah…everything written is words and like words, a fairy tale to reader.

In this short but memorable entry of my long forgotten blog, it’s not an advice on political theory, just ensuring people, naive people like me are reminded daily of these deadly player are out there. Their game and their strategies are carefully planned and executed with military precisions. Like a hunter, it’s just a game to them. Sufferers scores 1 point and resignation gets a full mark 10, Straight to GO and collect 200. Which reminds me of the ancient Witch hunt that spanned across all queen’s land where witches, wizards or crossed eye citizens are crucified.

What goes around comes around. I am a true believer of this, like karma just instead of waiting for your next reincarnation, it is happening sooner than you think.

Regards

lucky-to-be-alive-blogger.